I have been thinking to write something about this for long. It was inspired from a conversation with a friend, when we were discussing someone’s research on citizenship and politics. I, on that day, felt not comfortable when a classic pic of tankman was shown again and was used as an elicitation for introduction. Yes, it’s still a forbidden and sensitive topic in the dragon’s home. I am aware of the issue, I am aware of the need to fight for rights like people before. I am aware of my responsibility to stand. I am aware of the need to criticise the society and authorities. I am aware of my responsibility to be true to the deep of our heart. But what I really concern is, what was the reality? What really happened? Until now, no one can tell the true story behind. I watched some interviews and documentaries before. But it is easy to find that, no one was telling the absolute truth. Lies, assumptions, fears, desires, bias, feelings, angers, self-interests……all were mixed in the middle of the individual perceptions from people involved. They may be students, officials, victims, journalists, or someone sitting in front of a telly. Capturing all these may present a huge picture, but what about the confusions and the truth? You may still find facts and evidences, but media nowadays mostly has its own positions (believe or not, after all, all reports are produced by human), some parts of facts or evidences are exposed time after time, and are exaggerated to some extent. This is dangerous, because the other parts of facts or evidences could be drowned out, and ordinary people may simply ignore it. Sympathy goes to the side of tears.
I was born in the same year of that issue, I don’t know much about it. That’s why I keep trying to keep distance, be an outsider, listen, observe, and hope I can realise what it really means to me, and perhaps pick my side or position one day. It is easy to pick a position, because it is driven by emotions, your instinct feelings. But when it comes to research, emotions, I reckon, is very tricky. I am fine about doing research with position, but I do not support research with emotions. They may not be critical enough to discuss the whole thing, and points can become tendentious. Till now, I cannot choose my position, which makes me prefer to carefully see all arguments. The more I read, the more I feel uncomfortable. I see more written emotions than rational analysis. I see more written attacks than powerful points. I started to question myself, is a position for me is necessary? I find it can be too simple. Picking position doesn’t matter, and changing position doesn’t matter. To me, I just wanna keep my eye opened, keep my ear listened, “keep calm and carry on”.